Friday, December 10th 2010, 4:00 AM
BILL: You see where nightclub hostess, Rachel Uchitel, went on the Today TV show and talked about losing her fianc�e in the World Trade Center on Sept. 11th?� Her romantic fling with Tiger Wood, she went on, was a love addiction driven by " a hole that I'm trying to fill in my heart."�
DR.DAVE: Movingly told. Luckily she had her mentor, doctor and fellow traveler in the land of TMZ and National Enquirer, Dr. Drew, right there at her side.� Did you notice she ducked any questions about bedroom scenes with Woods himself, and spoke mainly about the treatment she received for her "love addiction?"�
BILL:� Which I heard as a pretty way to say she compulsively couldn't get enough sex. But Doc, I can't equate that with any woman I ever knew. So I turned to Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Judy Rosenberg (getdatingready.com) to help me better understand what Ms. Uchitel was calling a serious addictive disease.
DR. DAVE: Did she help you sort out some of the gender differences in love and sex addiction?
BILL: Indeed she did.� "The female genome," she told me, "is older than feminism. Sexually, men and women still start from different places. Women?� Think of the song---'Don't leave me this way...'� The L word is their motive. Men?� 'All I want to do is a boom boom boom and a zoom zoom zoom..'� The F word is their motive. Women are all about nesting and being in a safe world.� Men are hunters, they love the excitement of power and freedom."��
DR. DAVE:� I think Bill, you're going to hear from our female readers on that.� You seem to be leaving out the strides that feminism has made for women. But I'd like to mention a basic difference that holds for both sexes.� Listening to you, I see where you can sign off on a drug as being a source of addiction and even extend that to the neurochemical rush that gamblers get in filling to an inside straight
BILL: ...or even the dopamine rush of a line of cocaine and/or the release of orgasm. But when Dr. Drew labeled Sandra Bullock's loving faith in her cheating husband as another example of love addictionall I could think is, Oh? And where's the neurochemistry in that diagnosis?
DR. DAVE:� Surely Dr. Drew isn't expecting Sandra Bullock to check into celebrity rehab for the disease of marrying a cheating loser?� The Celebrity Rehab host seems to be in another universe if he expects people to believe that Rachel Uchitel hit her compulsive "love addiction bottom" when she reportedly accepted 10 million to keep quiet about her romance with Tiger!
BILL:� Doc, are you saying that Love Addiction doesn't exist? What about someone like Kim Kardashian staying married to music producer Damon Thomas for three years--until she opened up about his violent abuse, starting almost right after their marriage until her divorce in 2003.
DR. DAVE: Of course it exists. That's what makes Dr. Drew's celebrity rehab approach to addictive relationships so damaging. Many of us in the addiction field are working to assist partners through their denial to escape an emotional entanglement one that may financially ruin them, put them in countless Emergency Rooms or end in a fatality. These women and men are far from the worlds of Sandra Bullock throwing the bum out or Rachel Uchitel's multi-million dollar partner payoff.
BILL: I take it, Doc, that you would have preferred that Dr. Drew's "medical interview" be focused not on Rachel's globe-trotting with Tiger, but on her prescription drug abuse?
DR. DAVE: Exactly, and if any reader feels trapped in a violent relationship with someone they love, there is a book of recovery: Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free. There's also a 12-Step fellowship for men and women trapped in that cycle: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Meetings can be found across the country at www.slaafws.org.
BILL: Let me end with my own rule-of-thumb diagnosis for Rachel or anyone else addicted to anything else. If you try to fill the hole in your belly with the wrong stuff sex, money, booze, dope, fame, food, fast cars, stamp collecting or whatever you can never get enough.
Dr. David Moore is a licensed psychologist and chemical dependency professional who is a graduate school faculty member at Argosy University's Seattle Campus. Bill Manville is a Book of the Month novelist; his most recent work of non-fiction, "Cool, Hip & Sober," is available at online bookstores. Bill also teaches "Writing To Get Published" for Temple University and at writers.com.
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